Friday, May 20, 2011

Imma Keep Blogging After Tomorrow

So, apparently the rapture is tomorrow and it is a big deal. Well not for me isn't. I'm pretty sure the rapture only takes the good Catholics to heaven and leaves everyone else here to "suffer" without them. Well the only thing that will change in my life after this rapture is pretty much nothing. What will change for anyone? No more theology class and no more people protesting gay marriage. I will still be here and most, if not all, of everyone I know will be here too. All the normal people are still gonna be here come the 23rd. It's just a matter of if the crazy Christians will be too.
What if the angels or whoever is in charge of sorting out the people for the rapture, are like Matt Damon and Ben Affleck from Dogma where they will send you to hell for not saying "God bless you" after you sneeze. "Oh nun, you spent your life devoted to God and to helping people less selfish than you? Come on in. Wait a second, it says here you only helped other Catholics and people if they converted. Never mind, you get to stay with the other sinners and wait for Satan to come and torture you."
That's something that has puzzled me lately too. I came across a picture in The Chive which is supposed to be funny but got me thinking. It is of a conversation, this is the conversation.
Preacher: How can I help you today?
Me: I have a question.
Preacher: Maybe I can help.
Me: The devil is evil and the people that go to hell are evil, correct?
Preacher: Correct.
Me: Than if the devil tries to get people to do evil, why does he punish them for doing so?
Way to turn Christianity on its fucking head. That, along with how everyone is handling the whole rapture thing, it really shows the whole attitude to religion as a whole. Everyone that is not a devout Christian is going to suffer at the hands of the ruler of all that is evil and it is happening tomorrow. Now, imagine if that were true. That would be a goddamn terrifying thing. Luckily for us they are fucked in the head and bat-shit crazy otherwise we would be in a ridiculous amount of trouble and there is no easy way out. If you commit suicide you go to hell. If you convert now you are too late and it isn't going to do anything. The only thing you can do now is hope that you have enough karma points to get you through the end of the world as we know it and not be subject to the worst forms of torture that have ever been thought up in the world. So tonight we enjoy our last night of a Satan-less world and hope that those who praise a man that killed his only son (who is also him) and had him rise 3 days later are wrong and hope they are as nuts as everyone who is not them thinks they are.
Hope you get to read this before Satan takes away our internet.

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