Saturday, April 30, 2011

Ummm. Don't Watch This, Just Laugh At My Awesome References

I had a nice day with Thai duck and Parks and Rec and then my night goes to shit. I got my first "tip" about something to blog. Cool, people want to hear my opinion. So I check it out and this is what came up but I'm a people person and I know when to "give the people what they want".

Disclosure: I recommend just not watching this. Everything that happens you can tell by the screenshot and that it is called "rihanna - m&s". If you still decide you need to watch this, read on.

1. Off the bat he gets the name of the song wrong. "m&s"? Dude, you say "s&m" like 20 times in the video and you still get it wrong in the title.

2. This kid is like the British even gayer Fred. For those of you who don't know Fred be grateful I didn't put up a link to trick you into clicking. He is an extremely annoying kid who speeds up his talking to sound like a little kid who has just been fed about 10 of those lunches the weird chick had in Breakfast Club. You know you're off to a horrible video when in their banner they put the "R" backwards like Toys 'R' Us.

3. "Request"? Who ever asks this kid to make more videos? He already has 16 videos in one month. And they are all him dancing to dumb ass songs. Love Game, Holla Back Girl, Hit Me Baby One More Time, Peacock, and Forget You (really? Can't say fuck with all those teeth outside your lips?).

4. What is with the accents on the names? Seriously, if they weren't in the description I wouldn't of know who the song was dedicated to. Also, I immediately hate the shit out of this kid and want to turn it off because I know nothing good will happen from now til the end.

5. #4 is completely wrong. "Mom don't come in." The mom probably thinks her son is doing one normal thing, beating off. Little does she know he is going to do a song about kinky sex. This is the result of bad parenting. Once you are told to stay out, as a parent the first thing you need to do is go see what they're doing. What does this mom think is going on? "Mom don't come in, I can't have any distractions if I'm going to study to become a doctor."

6. Is anyone surprised those teeth go with that accent? I think not. It is like a caricature of someone trying to be funny when being told to draw me a picture of the teeth of a guy with this voice *plays video*.

7. "Sex and Magic"? He is related to Harry Potter. I guess those are the effects of living through the death spell. You look like that.

8. That is all. Everything after this just looks like a desperate kid with no friends trying to get famous on youtube by acting ridiculous and not taking their Ritalin and than trying to be funny.

9. I need to point this out. How is there a lag between him and the computer? There is less of a lag when Anderson Cooper talks to Matt Lauer from Egypt, how is 5 feet making a difference?

Side note. Theresa, this is what I mean when I say you over sing, listen to 2:08-2:10. Rihanna is pretty much saying it and this kid thinks he's in the fucking opera.

10. What's with almost falling asleep singing "more and more".

11. Dude needs to take some lessons from Double Dream Feet guy.

12. "Best friend"? I think we can all agree that he has 0 friends rite? Just people that make fun of him to his face but since they all laugh he just goes along with it like they aren't just hazing the shit out of him the entire time he is in school.

Friday, April 29, 2011

What The Fuck Madden People?

First you upset me by not putting Vick on the cover. First off, I am a Giant fan but I have a soft spot for Vick because I picked him up in fa and he did nothing but kill it so much that I had Phillip Rivers on my bench. The number 3 qb in the league I had benched because Vick just straight killed it every week*. Dude pretty much ran my offense, not to mention I have been using whatever team he is on in Madden since '04 when he was pretty much a glitch. But no, they put a flash-in-the-pan running back on the cover because people in Cleveland have nothing better to do.

The southern racists also probably helped him beat Vick just because he is white. Well guess the joke is on them. Look at that fucking cover. That Peyton Hillis is darker than Snookie. Apparently the people at Madden decided they needed to compromise with the first white guy on the cover and made him mocha like Derek Jeter.

*Now, here I could take the low road and make a joke about how he was killing defensive coordinators more ruthlessly than the losing dogs but I'm above that.

P.s. The spell checker on here noticed Vick but not Hillis. Point, set, match.

Ron Artest Just Being Ron Artest

Now, I'll be the first one to support a St.John's Alum (even though he didn't graduate). Ron Artest started with basketball. Okay, he's good and all but he should stay on the court. Then when he won a ring with the Lakers he became a rapper (like ex-Laker Shaq). The only good song to come from an ex-NBA player is "I May Be Wrong".

But we chocked "Champion" by Ron Artest up to him being rich and black. But now, with his 5th team, his 6th different number change, and a brawl with some cup throwing fans he is apparently also a stand up comedian. Ron Artest, taking a page from Charlie Sheen and is apparently running a comedy show entitled "Ron Artest: The Ultimate Comedy Tour". Now, I have seen him in interviews and what not, he was funny, but his funny was not on purpose. Just like his rap.

New Pinata looks like a Maypole With A Candy Filled Topper

Pull String Pinata - Are you planning a kid’s indoor birthday party? A pull string pinata is a great party game idea when celebrating a child’s birthday indoors. Pull string pinatas have been designed for parents who are concerned about the possible danger in having a kid beat a pinata with a buster bat. They also became the best alternative when the party had to be kept inside the house due to the weather. This gentler version is a good party game idea for small kids who can harm themselves with the traditional pinata party game. It also allows small kids to get by themselves in a safe way some of the party favors and candy that fall from the pinata. Another advantage of the pull ribbon feature of the pinata party game is that it allows all kids to open the pinata together. In the common version the pinata is broken by the strongest hitter and sometimes this happens even before some children can have a chance at beating it. Celebrate your kid’s birthday with this safe and fun party activity! 

Well thanks over concerned parents. You just ruined my favorite Mexican party game. First, they removed the pins from "pin the tail on the donkey" and replaced it with tape. Okay. That's fine, it doesn't take away from fun. But 95% of the fun in a pinata is swinging the bat and trying to show off how hard you can crush paper-mache with a weapon a lot of people keep next to their bed in case of a burglar.
Next they're going to get rid of the blind-fold in "pin the tail on the donkey" and just let kids go up and tape the tail on the donkey. But whoever is the closest doesn't matter because everyone's a winner.

You know the creator of this no fun-having, mind-as-well-put-candy-in-a-bowl, glorified candy-filled trap door, piece of shit was the kid that would get up there and even when cheating and being able to see through the tie that was used as a blind-fold and not really spinning the best still couldn't break open the pinata even if they made contact. Then they would go cry while one of the big kids became the hero and crushed that candy-shitting donkey wide open and then had kids at his feet while they swarmed over the candy like he just brought his African tribe water.

P.s. This is going to cut videos of parents getting hit in the nuts by dizzy, blind-folded, candy-hungry kids wielding bats by like 99%.

It's Official, St.John's Is Back

RedStormSports- St. John's head men's basketball coach Steve Lavin announced that coveted Nigerian big man God's Gift Achiuwa (Port Harcourt, River States, Nigeria/Sure Foundation/Erie C.C. (N.Y.) became the Red Storm's second signee of the spring period on Thursday. Achiuwa, a 2011 junior college first team All-American, joins what is now a nine-man group of heralded student-athletes that have signed National Letters of Intent (NLI) to join St. John's for the 2011-12 season - a class currently rated No. 2 in the nation by both ESPN and

6 of our 9 recruits are in the nation's top 100 freshmen, a soon to be cancer free coach, his smoking hot wife, and now God's Gift. Literally, God's Gift Achiuwa has chosen to play ball at St.John's University next year. His name is the newest addition to the team with some of the weirdest fucking names in college basketball Norvel Pelle (apparently we have a 16th century English poet on our team), Sir'Dominic Pointer (was his mother's womb knighted?), Jakarr Sampson (apparently named after his "baby daddy's" fragrance during the night of conception in the early 1990's), Nurideen Lindsey (I got nothing here, never hear the name Nurideen before and probably never will again besides this dude), Malik Stith (one letter away from being a normal name), and Dwayne Polee (pronounced pole-e, like the black basketball playing brother of Wall-e). Even if this season is a bust (which if it is I'll be pissed because it is my last one in college) at being able to say "Did you see Sir'Dominic with that assist last night?" without having to watch soccer or cricket (do they have assists in cricket? answer: don't know, don't care).

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Double Dream Hands, Not Just A One Hit Wonder

Everyone remembers Double Dream Hands guy, well get ready mother fuckers, he's back and better than ever. Guess what else is back, list time.

1. Dude is rocking a Beach Boys tan, making his teeth look even more white.
2. "Wipe like safe." because we need a specification on which wipe to do.
3. The step clap has been my go to move for the last 10 years since Carlton made it famous.
4. I haven't seen "the hitchhike" since Grease.
5. Love the rubber legs.
6. I was with you til the kicks. That just looks rediculous.
7. Glad he brought back the rubber legs so quickly into the rotation.
8. His cha-cha is on point. Spaniards can't even do the cha-cha that good.
9. Jazz Hands is the only way to finish this dance.

Fat Guy on Scooter = Obvious But Hysterical End

I think its safe to say no one is surprised fat ass didn't coast to safety. I have yet to see a single fat person do well on two wheels (unless of course they are on a Harley and have a grey ZZ Top beard or a shirt that says "If you can read this, the bitch fell off."). Like, I get you are practicing for your inevitable future rolling through Wal-Mart aisles on a Hoveround with a basket on the front but those 2 extra wheels makes a hell of a difference.

No, what is really the surprising part, is that he was able to stay on as long as he did. That has to be the longest ride by the fattest person. They should make a statistic to figure this out. Like a seconds per pound correlation.

And who really saw this guy getting that much air? How did he get up that high? I didn't see a jump or anything but there had to be for him to get up. He's not a 7 year old on a Razor scooter, a rock is not gonna get him lift, he needs some physics and science to get someone that big on a scooter high enough to get him air born.

P.s. Gotta love a big guy smashing his face. A helmet is not gonna protect the grill, especially when your hands drop to your sides when you start to plummet

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Mr. Wizard's Socially Inept Cousin Playing With Eggs

Now, while these experiments are awesome and look fun as hell to do (even if the results were pretty much expected [except for the Potassium Chlorate]), they are not what I took away from this video. What really stuck with me was the guy from 1:35 (and to everyone's joy, again at 4:15). The weirdest motherfucker I've seen since I took the R train down to Union Square. There are just so many awkward things about this dude. You know what that means, list time. This list is "Weird things about one guy in a normally cool video."
1. Sweet Albert Einstein meets grey Art Garfunkel hair doo.
2. Why does anyone need so many icons on their desktop? There's this new thing called folders dude.
3. I'm loving the graph paper being recycled into a shirt
4. That tie has to be like one of three that he wears, rite? The other two are chemical compound structures and atom diagrams.
5. What is with the ridiculous shaking? Is that why they stuck him in an office that belongs on "Hoarders" and far away from the chemicals? Maybe all those icons are the same one column of links just repeated 8x so if his hand shakes left or right he still gets to where he's trying to go.

P.s. Everyone has a Neil. That one friend that you and everyone else just bosses around and shits on all day. "Hey Neil, have fun cleaning up frozen and burnt up Cadbury Eggs while I go bang my assistant professor."

Weird Font Helps You Remember

Princeton University Dept. of Psych released an article earlier this year that shows that text in an unusual or hard to read font helps you remember things better. This seems like a no brainer. Ever copy notes from a kid who had shitty hand writing? Once you figure out what the fuck they say you don't even need to write them down because you have them memorized because it took you like an hour and the goddamn Rosetta Stone (not the comp. program, the actual Egyptian Rosetta Stone) just to write half a page of notes about Eli Whitney and the cotton gin. Ever go to a myspace or tumblr where they use font that looks like your 85 year-old grandmother with Parkinson's wrote it with a pink glittery gel pen because it makes them feel artsy and deep? That is when shit like "Live. Laugh. Love. <3" will forever be burned into your mind.

Studies like this are released all the time. Knowledge I knew for years and took for granted as fact, only to have a study released about them. Oh, you mean to tell me people like rewards and hate pain? No shit. Oh, people are happier on the weekend? Ridiculous. Fat chicks have a bad self image? I'm shocked. (All real studies by the way.) When I need to write a study I am just going to pick the most obvious shit and prove it. Get ready for my college thesis called "Most Doctors, Lawyer, and Business Moguls In It For The Money.". Absolutely obvious but still will get me my PhD.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

No Balloons At Stonehill College

To:        All Student, Employees, Alumni, Vendors, and Outside Groups
From:    Thomas V. Flynn, General Counsel
Re:         Ban on Latex Balloons
Date:     April 20, 2011

Please be advised that Fr. Cregan has authorized a ban on latex balloons on campus until further notice.
Latex products, and specifically latex balloons, pose a serious health risk to students and campus visitors with severe latex allergies.
Groups may continue to use mylar balloons.
Any group or individual wishing to use a non-latex substitute balloon other than mylar, must receive approval. James Hermelbracht, Director of Student Activities, has been designated as the contact person for any requests (student or otherwise) for the use of non-latex substitutes.
Any balloon, other than a mylar balloon, found on campus that has not been approved by the College will be removed.
I appreciate that such measures may, at first, seem overbroad; however, I must again emphasize the severe nature of the allergy experienced by many people.
Thank you for your cooperation.

Everyone has that one time where someone with an allergy was a complete annoyance and disruption from fun. In my math class last year there was almost a brawl between some black chick eating chips and some white bitch whining about being allergic to peanuts. Complaining about "I could die if I so much as smell a peanut." and of course "Bitch, there ain't no peanuts in here. Turn the fuck around." Then the girl allergic to peanuts starts crying "You don't know what it's like, living in constant fear of death." While these two had it out, my teacher was still trying to get us back on topic about voting methods and everyone else is getting their phones out ready to catch a video for with the title "Shit's goin down over peanuts in math."
P.s. How big of a pussy do you sound when you start freaking the fuck out over some stupid shit like peanuts or balloons. Constant fear of birthday parties and clowns are now 100x more scary because they pose a real threat to your life.

Waka Flocka Needs To Put On A Shirt

Waka Flocka needs to cover that shit up. Aren't rappers supposed to be ripped like 50 Cent and Trey Songs and shit. Or the complete opposite like BIG or Gucci. Waka is lookin soft with those man titties. Big boobs, tiny tits and no nipple. Kel is starting to look like Kenan. And his crew all look like they've been eatin too many quarter bags of chips. I will admit, I am jealous of that Gumby necklace tho.

P.s. Don't think I let it slip by that that song was complete shit where half of the words said were "I'm just thuggin' my g."

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

White RB or Convicted Felon New Spokesperson for Video Games

Yahoo- Letting people vote for things is how America ended up with Jimmy Carter, purple M&Ms and Taylor Hicks. It's also why EA Sports will be stuck with either Michael Vick or Peyton Hillis (yes, Peyton Hillis) on the cover of Madden '12. The two players are in the finals of the Madden '12 cover vote, having made it through four rounds of a 32-player bracket on From now until April 27, fans can vote for either the Philadelphia Eagles quarterback or the Cleveland Browns running back as the new cover athlete for the biggest video game in sports. The winner will be announced that afternoon on "SportsNation." Vick was a No. 3 seed in his 16-player bracket and easily outpaced DeMarcus Ware, Andre Johnson, Patrick Willis and Adrian Peterson to reach the final. The 10th-seeded Hillis had a Butler-like run through his bracket, squeaking through an early matchup against Matt Ryan and then upsetting top-seeded Aaron Rodgers to reach the final. It's hard to imagine EA Sports had a white running back or convicted felon in mind when it started this contest. I'm guessing it figured it was in the bag for Aaron Rodgers and everything else was just easy publicity. Now it'll have a general unknown or the most divisive player in the sport as the winner. I don't envy the marketing executive who has to explain to his bosses why Hillis may grace the cover or the PR person who will have to face an onslaught of criticism for celebrating Vick. But is it really so bad? I tend to think things couldn't have worked out much better for EA. A Hillis win will bring a whirlwind of positive attention to him and the game. Vick's victory would be accompanied by some controversy, which is not always a negative. 

1. Do the white supremacists and  Browns fans have nothing better to do than ruin the cover of the perennially awesome game known for highlighting the best player in the league? 
2. I knew it was all downhill once they put two players on the same cover
3. I remember back in the good old days when the biggest Madden controversy was the "Madden Curse". 
4. The cover doesn't effect the game play. It is just the box. You barely look at it because the game is in the xbox. You only need it to determine what year the game is. 

P.s. They are missing the big story here. If Vick wins, this could be the first time a player has been on the cover more than once. And only the second time a team has had players  (01 & 08 Titans).

Armageddon by Barbara Ang

I never really cared for “end-of-the-world” hoopla until now. I don’t know if it’s so much “I believe it’s going to happen” as much as “I hope it’s going to happen”? Some time between college and realizing I’ve reached the age where it’s no longer socially acceptable to say, “I don’t have a job and I’m not really sure what I want to do with my degree,” the notion of an apocalypse has become attractive. Maybe it’s my generation’s way of once again notoriously dodging responsibility, or I don’t know, maybe the media has glorified living in survival-type scenarios, but the idea of having no choice but to be as resourceful and creative as possible excites me.

Both Nostradamus and the Mayans predict that December 2012, our planet will suffer cataclysmic consequences, if not come to an end.

“Hey Nostradamus, you sure it’s a comet and not a zombie outbreak?” /grin.

I tease about wanting World War Z to happen but I don’t think my Boy Scout skills would transfer very well. You don’t get a badge for “severing the head, or destroying the brain.” And if killing Nazi zombies in COD: World at War is any measure of how I’d fend in an actual zombie apocalypse, unless there’s an insta-kill power-up lying around, I wouldn’t get past whatever the real-life equivalent of level 10 is.

Mass animal deaths, and a curious slew of natural disasters? We’re right on track for a Michael Bay movie.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Asians are Mysterious

You never know what you're going to get with Asians. All I knew was that this was a skinny Asian dude with glasses and a horrible haircut. I was ready for him to do some ill, break the machine, new world record shit to this thing. But it is never that cut and dry. Asians are either awesome at martial arts or completely horrible but there is no way to know. That is why you must always assume they know some shit that can kill you like the 5 point exploding heart move from Kill Bill even if it turns out  they can't even get a game for kids to register a hit (if they can even hit it). Don't be surprised if you see this guy's twin on the street breaking boards and concrete bricks with karate chops.

The Bible Is Always Right

Yahoo- Christians have long celebrated Jesus Christ's Last Supper on Maundy Thursday but new research released Monday claims to show it took place on the Wednesday before the crucifixion. Professor Colin Humphreys, a scientist at the University of Cambridge, believes it is all due to a calendar mix-up -- and asserts his findings strengthen the case for finally introducing a fixed date for Easter. Humphreys uses a combination of biblical, historical and astronomical research to try to pinpoint the precise nature and timing of Jesus's final meal with his disciples before his death. Researchers have long been puzzled by an apparent inconsistency in the Bible. While Matthew, Mark and Luke all say the Last Supper coincided with the start of the Jewish festival of Passover, John claims it took place before Passover. Humphreys has concluded in a new book, "The Mystery Of The Last Supper", that Jesus -- along with Matthew, Mark and Luke -- may have been using a different calendar to John. "Whatever you think about the Bible, the fact is that Jewish people would never mistake the Passover meal for another meal, so for the Gospels to contradict themselves in this regard is really hard to understand," Humphreys said. "Many biblical scholars say that, for this reason, you can't trust the Gospels at all. But if we use science and the Gospels hand in hand, we can actually prove that there was no contradiction." In Humphreys' theory, Jesus went by an old-fashioned Jewish calendar rather than the official lunar calendar which was in widespread use at the time of his death and is still in use today. This would put the Passover meal -- and the Last Supper -- on the Wednesday, explaining how such a large number of events took place between the meal and the crucifixion. It would follow that Jesus' arrest, interrogation and separate trials did not all take place in the space of one night but in fact occurred over a longer period. Humphreys believes a date could therefore be ascribed to Easter in our modern solar calendar, and working on the basis that the crucifixion took place on April 3, Easter Day would be on April 5.

So, I couldn't decide on an opening sentence. These are what I came up with:
1. What a perfect example for "changing the facts to support your theory".
2. Ooh. They used two different calendars? Why didn't you just say so? Instead of saying one of them were wrong you just said they used different calendars to say when Jesus ate dinner.
3. So this is what you do with a history degree besides become a history teacher.
4. Who cares when a fake person ate a meal that never happened?
5. Glad to know that the Bible is correct and hundreds of years of people reading it and studying it were wrong.
6. Jesus was a hipster. Had long hair, ate only organic food, and now apparently used a retro calendar. "Oh, you guys go by the lunar calendar. I still use the old Jewish calendar." Must of been the "I only listen to vinyl records and don't own an mp3 player."

Naked Weddings Are Bullshit

Daily MailWilliam and Kate might like to give this idea for their big day a miss. A couple have turned the other cheek to tradition by getting married – in a naked wedding. Melanie Schachner, 26, and Rene Schachner, 31, had racked their brains to come up with something so memorable for their big day that they would never forget. The groom and not-so-blushing bride decided to strip off and get married in the nude in front of their family and friends. They walked down the aisle in a register office service in Feldkirchen, Austria, before celebrating with a reception in a nearby castle. Melanie wore a traditional veil and white high heels. Her breasts were exposed but a flesh-coloured thong covered her nether-regions. The groom, however, remained totally nude throughout the service, using only a top hat to cover his modesty when posing for wedding pictures.Thankfully for the couple, the registrar managed to keep her embarrassment under control and make it through the reading of the vows. Melanie said: ‘We’re not ashamed of our bodies and we wanted to do something different. It certainly saved on a wedding dress.’

First of all, this isn't a naked wedding. Veil and high heels are acceptable but "flesh-coloured thong"? That is not a naked wedding. It is a top-less wedding. It is still a step towards a hippie-love in wedding but it isn't a naked wedding.
How is the groom okay with this?
1. All of his friends and family get to see his wife's tits. Plus there is a photographer. I wouldn't be cool with anyone seeing my bride's knockers during our wedding. Plus the reception has a lot of dancing and tits bouncing around. Were the rest of the parties nude too?
2. When you get scared, your dick shrinks. Last thing I need is to be standing in front of my friends and fam and be rockin a pinky between my legs because I am getting married. People get super scared and run away when they get to wear clothes. This sounds like a bad dream. You're getting married and you look down and realize you aren't wearing any clothes. That sounds scary as shit. Unless you can rock a fear boner, than go for it. Personally, I'd be rockin' that top hat the whole damn ceremony. Nothin' like showing up for the big game with anything less than your best. And showing off with a softee is like a chick without make-up or a push-up bra.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Dark Girls Bright Furnature

Glad to know the bitch from Friday ("You ain't gotta lie, Craig.") has found a new gig. Apparently she's living the good life too. Fanning herself with 3 stacks of singles, drinking 4 Loko out of champagne glasses and apparently her pussy is "yankin'" (whatever the fuck that means). Glad to see the Real Housewives of Brooklyn made an anthem.

P.s. How is this video allowed on youtube? Normally this shit is only on WorldStarHipHop.
P.p.s. This is the most perfect combo of catchy and horrible since Rebecca Black.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Feel Like An Old Person With None of the Benefits

KokenThe aged simulation set is a teaching material intended to demonstrate the inconveniences felt by the aged due to musculoskeletal, visual and auditory aging. This set is the most suitable for medical practice, nursing and welfare training. Inconveniences to the aged due to the changes in bones, muscles, sight and hearing can be experienced with this simulation set. This simulation set is suitable for the field of medical and welfare education.

 There is a couple of things this simulator doesn't let you experience, the best parts of being old:
1. Being able to get away with everything. Have you ever seen an article about when an old guy gets arrested. They have to do the worst shit to get in trouble. They get away with grabbing chicks 1/3 their age, walking around in robes or less, being the most obnoxious, racist, profane people ever and everyone just says "It's ok, he's old."
2. They don't have to work ever. Free money for working before. You are on permanent vacation, at least until you die or are incontinent (that's never a vacation).
3. You get people to do everything for you. Nurses, your kids that are old now, medical helpers.
4. Shitty TV seems awesome. Spend all day watching Murder, She Wrote, NCIS, Wheel of Fortune, shit maybe the news will finally be interesting.
They just give you all the bad shit about being old and none of the awesome shit you can do. Like those drunk goggles they had in high school so you wouldn't drink. It didn't give you all the awesome shit that comes with drinking.

Best Example of Teaching Ever

Knox News - A Roane County kindergarten teacher who reportedly told students to encircle a classmate, call him a pig and make pig noises because the boy is messy, received a one-day unpaid suspension and had a letter of reprimand placed in her file. The incident involved Debbie Hayes, an educator at Bowers Elementary School who has taught kindergarten in Roane County for 38 years. Dr. Toni H. McGriff, director of Roane County Schools, called the March 16 incident “simply unbelievable.” In her reprimand letter, McGriff told Hayes she was “appalled with the actions in this situation.” “It’s a black eye on the profession,” McGriff said Monday. “It’s a black eye on our schools.” Another educator walked into Hayes’ classroom March 16 and saw kindergartners encircling their crying classmate. “The students in the circle were ‘oinking’ and making pig sounds at the little boy,” the reprimand states. The educator who witnessed the incident told Principal Candace Lett that afternoon. Hayes and Lett met the next day in McGriff’s office to discuss the episode. During that meeting, Hayes said she was “tired of the student’s messiness,” according to the reprimand.

Teach by the most effective method. In this case it is ridicule. Anyone who says this is bad teaching just smell this kid every day til he is old and back in diapers. He will be the best smelling dude around. Guess who will never be the smelly kid in class again. The worst this kid will smell is better than the best any one else will ever smell, ever. Guess who is gonna start taking more showers and is gonna buy some deodorant and cologne. The teacher should do this with every kid in her class. Pick one major flaw they each have and let the kids take turns in the middle as everyone makes fun of them. Watch the fat chick get anorexia and become hot. Watch the kid who picks his nose never go digging for gold again. Make fun of whoever the kid with the lowest grade and watch him become valedictorian.

Does This Look Like A Guy Who Burst Into Flames Beating Off In A Porn Shop

SAN FRANCISCOA man caught fire Wednesday evening inside a San Francisco porn store and was fighting for his life in the hospital after suffering third-degree burns, KCBS-TV reported. Arson experts said it was not clear what ignited the fire but police said the man had been watching videos in a private booth when the blaze erupted. The man ran out the front door of the adult arcade “engulfed in flames” and was spotted by cops standing across the street, a police spokesman told KCBS. ”He came out of the building already on fire,” Lt. Kevin McNaughton said. Firefighters, who luckily were only about a block away on an unrelated call, raced to the scene and doused the flames.

So, I've heard about going blind, hairy palms, and becoming addicted but never spontaneous combustion. I thought they were just ways for my mom to try to get me to stop going through a box of Kleenex a week. Granted, if she did use the spontaneous combustion line too I still woulda kept it as my main after school activity, I would of just kept a bucket of water next to me. I had all the alibis covered, a bb gun in case I went blind and a razor if my hands started getting hair before my face did. But this dude just erupted into flames like a whore being douched with holy water.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Student Fights Lose Lose For Teachers

You know what happens when you break up a fight? You get 1. fired, 2. you get hurt. Teacher from my hs broke up a chick fight broke 2 fingers and a broken nose. Fuck that noise. Last thing I want is to get between two pissed high school chicks swinging away and pulling hair. You let the two crazed teens go at it like the winner gets a first row seat to a Bieber concert. Nope, your best option is just to sit it out and watch the fight. Let another teacher deal with the high school psychos while you get your iPhone out and take a video and send it to
Plus, this guy is a substitute teacher. He's not even a real teacher. They can barely control a classroom while everyone is in their seats not doing anything. Good luck making a sub break up a fight. They barely get paid enough to distribute the handout the teacher had planned and take attendance and play on the computer all day. 

Does This Look Like A Cat That Will Steal Your Soul

This cat is scary as hell. Not much scares me but if I saw this fucking thing at night I'm 100% running like a bitch the other way. Especially if it starts that demon death cry. Last thing I need is to become another soul this thing sucks to maintain its youth. This thing is obviously eating people's souls right? Just look at those eyes. If they don't look like the eyes of a witch's pet I don't know what do.

Overbearing Parents Trying to Ruin More Random Shit

Yahoo – A Boilermaker is nothing without his hammer.Besides the incredible 67-yard field goal by kicker Carson Wiggs, the highlight of Purdue‘s spring game was the ceremonial passing of the hammer to the latest incarnation of mascot “Purdue Pete.” Officials ordered the makeover last year, in part because the old version apparently frightened the children; his replacement was designed to be “both heroic and approachable,” The new edition also has “a deeper tan to represent more ethnicities” and a full-body suit as opposed to merely a head, allowing females to play what has up to now been all-male role. The New Pete will reportedly lose his trusty sledgehammer, as well, which was deemed “too violent” for a mascot — even for a Boilermaker mascot?

Waah. A hammer is scaring my child. What pussy is scared of a hammer? Kid was probably molested by a carpenter or something. Bob the Builder most be like Nightmare on Elm Street for this kid. And what shitty parenting by trying to change a mascot for a whole college instead of telling your kid to suck it up and quit whining.
First they take away our Red Men, now they take away Pete's sledgehammer. When does political correctness and censorship become bullshit? Because I'm pretty sure we passed it long ago. The Purdue Honkeys or something is offensive, but taking  away a giant foam sledgehammer, really? What's next? Gonna take away Duke's pitch fork, maybe change it all together, turn them into the Duke Angels or some other stupid shit.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Kemba Is Going Pro

NBC- Just a week after winning a national championship, UConn's Kemba Walker will announce he is leaving Storrs for the NBA. A media advisory from UConn said the school has scheduled a news conference for 3 p.m. Tuesday. There are no details in the advisory, but Mike Anthony of the Hartford Courant reports sources confirm Walker will announce his intentions to enter the NBA Draft. In what Coach Jim Calhoun called the best season for a Husky ever, Walker led his team on an 11-game win streak, including five wins in five nights to claim the Big East Tournament Championship. The junior shooting guard then carried the Huskies to a national championship April 4. Walker's announcement isn't a surprise. After the Huskies' win over Butler in the NCAA Finals, he spoke as if he had already made up his mind. "I'm going to miss being around these guys," Walker said just minutes after the championship game.

Hold the fucking phones. You mean to tell me a 20 year old that single handedly brought back the NCAA title to his school with his team of freshmen and sophomores is going to take advantage and go make millions playing basketball for money? The 2nd most famous college basketball player (1st has to be Jimmer) in the world is going to leave college to make shit tons of money playing a game for a living? Shocking. If someone offered me 10% of what he is going to make to drop out of college now I would in a heart beat. 100k a year to do pretty much anything and I'd drop out now. He is like 2 weeks older than me and is going to play in the NBA and I am having trouble finding internships. Kemba is going to make millions and I am having problems finding people who will let me work for them, for free. I'm jealous of the work status of black people in the south before the Lincoln freed 'em.

Dad Shoots Boombox. Great Story from 1996

The Smoking Gun- A California man who used a shotgun to blast the speaker on his son’s stereo will not be facing criminal charges, according to prosecutors. The man told cops that he destroyed the speaker because his 24-year-old son--an aspiring DJ--“was playing his ‘disco’ too loud.” Stanislaw Jarmolowicz, 53, was arrested last week on suspicion of shooting at or into a building. Jarmolowicz, pictured in the mug shot at right, spent about two days in the Yuba County jail before posting bail Wednesday. After a review of the case, prosecutors opted not to prosecute Jarmolowicz, chiefly because criminal negligence could not be established since he did not intend to injure his son Anthony. The younger Jarmolowicz uses the handle “Baas” in connection with his DJ pursuits. According to a Yuba County Sheriff’s Department report, Jarmolowicz told deputies that he had asked his son “several times to turn down the music or use headphones.” When the volume was not lowered to his liking, Jarmolowicz retrieved a 16 gauge shotgun from his bedrom, returned to his son’s room, and hit the speaker with a single blast. Jarmolowicz told an officer that he had been arguing with his son for weeks and was “very stressed out” and had “lost control of his temper.”

Who still has a boombox? iPods have speakers. Who doesn't just use an iPod and headphones? And disco? Either this 53 year old just considers everything past the Rat Pack "disco or rock" or this kid deserved to be the one shot, not his obsolete ancient music box.  Some annoying bitch on the F Train last night had her phone or iPod playing out of the speaker. If I had a shotgun I would of aimed it directly at where the music was coming from, her lap. Plus, gross bitch had half her back (including a tramp stamp) and crack hanging out facing everyone as she sat half mooning everyone as she sat in that little seat for the handicapped people at the end of the carts. Ever had someone playing music like that where you can hear it? Now imagine the sound like 50x that loud. That is how loud the boombox is. Try finding someone who takes public transport who would find this guy guilty.

No More Flip Cameras

Yahoo- Cisco Systems Inc., the world's largest maker of computer networking gear, on Tuesday said it's killing its Flip Video camcorder business as part of a reversal of years of efforts at diversifying into consumer products. The about-face comes after several quarters of disappointing results and challenges in its core businesses. Analysts say the company has been trying to do too many different things. A week ago, CEO John Chambers acknowledged the criticism, sending employees a memo vowing to take "bold steps" to narrow the company's focus. The San Jose, Calif., company said Tuesday that it expects its consumer business shakeup will result in the loss of 550 jobs, or less than 1 percent of its work force of about 73,000. It also expects to take restructuring charges of no more than $300 million spread out over the current quarter, which ends April 25, and the following one. Cisco bought Pure Digital Technologies Inc., the maker of the Flip Video camcorder, for $590 million in 2009, just two years after the San Francisco-based company made its first camera. The Flip Video quickly became a top seller because it was easy to use. A signature feature, since copied by many other manufacturers, was a USB connector that flipped out of the case, letting the user connect the camera directly to a computer. The camera even contained video-editing software that fired up on the computer. Last year, the Flip Video was still the top-selling video camera in the U.S., with 26 percent of the market, according to IDC analyst Chris Chute. But that only amounted to 2.5 million units sold. Dedicated video cameras are small potatoes compared to digital still cameras and smart phones, both of which now shoot video. That could be the reason Cisco appears to see no point in selling the business -- the announcement Tuesday said Flip will be closed down. It will continue to support the sharing of Flip videos online. A Cisco spokesman did not respond to a question about why the unit would be shut down. Top competitors in the pocket camcorder field, which could benefit from Flip Video's demise, are Eastman Kodak Co. and Samsung Electronics Co. The company said it will realign its remaining consumer business to support four of its five key priorities -- routers and switches; corporate communications and collaboration equipment; data-center products and video.

Who gives a shit? Does anyone really need a thing that records video. Like, I got my phone and iPod already. I can shoot two angles. I can make a shitty TV show with what I keep on me every day. Carrying a Flip Cam now is like carrying a Walkman or a Game Boy. They're uni-taskers. My Blackberry makes it so I don't need a Flip Cam, a video game system, a PDA (remember those?), an iPod (even though I still have one of those), a camera, any news papers or magazines. And my iPod does all that too. All I need now is a metro card app and one where I can use my iPod like credit card and that's all I need to bring with me. Just take a picture of my driver's license in case I get pulled over, maybe make an app for my storm card and I can leave my wallet at home too. No need to worry about getting robbed (unless they take my iPod, then I'm really fucked).

And can we all agree that there is nothing wrong with their business plan? They just didn't see how fast everything was going to happen. If they knew what Apple was going to do over the last 2 years they would of just sold Cisco and put all their money in Apple (or Blackberry, or Android, or HTC) stock.

Jimmy Fallon Has The Best Job Ever

Jimmy Fallon has the best job ever. There are like 5 other people who get to interview the caliber of people Fallon does (Letterman, Leno, Kimmel, Conan, Ferg). Ferg is funny as hell but Fallon has the better job. Ferg is funnier and has a funnier show and gets to work with a skeleton robot. Kimmel is one of my favorites from The Man Show, Leno has all the money and viewers, Conan has the cult following but Fallon just looks like he enjoys his job. He works with The fucking Roots every day. ?uestlove is one of my favorite drummers ever. He plays guitar so he gets to play with Paul Simon and shit. Cooking with Marcus Samuelsson. He plus he still gets to meet all the famous people and shit. And he plays games and shit.
P.s. I know I said something positive about all of the other people but Letterman doesn't have any advantages over the other people. Dude is old, not funny, he doesn't really have shit going for him.

There will still be Cops In 30 Years. Shocker?

Yahoo- Your career doesn't need to be as unstable as the economy. It's true...long-term security is not a pipe dream. At least not according to Carolyn Hughes, head of HR at, which has about five million online job postings users can search. Hughes says there are plenty long-term careers out there...but some of them might look a little different than they did a decade ago. "These days you might have a 30-year career in a specialized firm (like an accounting firm) rather than a big corporation that has all departments in house," she points out as an example. Want to learn more about stable career options? Keep reading to see seven careers with staying power.

Career #1 - Paralegals
Average Pay: $50,080

Career #2 - Accountants
Average Pay: $67,430*

Career #3 - Nurses
Average Pay: $66,530

Career #4 - Police Officers
Average Pay: $55,180

Career #5 - Teachers
Average Pay: $53,150 to $55,150

Career #6 - Tax Collectors
Average Pay: $53,800

Career #7 - Budget Analysts
Average Pay: $69,240

No shit. The world will still need teachers, accountants and nurses in 30 years? You mean there will still be kids, money and sick people in 30 years? And cops too? Who saw that coming? Crime will still be a problem in 30 years? Next you're gonna tell me that there will still be computer programmers and chefs and farmers in 30 years.
This is one of the most bullshit articles from anyone, let alone Yahoo. All these 7 jobs tells me is that there will be criminals, money, sick people, kids and people avoiding taxes in 30 years. You could of asked me "What will still be around in 30 years?" and I would of had all of those (maybe not the taxes one) in my list.
And half of this list could be bullshit too. If robots keep going the way they have been going with their leaps and bounds, we won't need cops (Robocop), teachers (online courses), nurses(more doctors), and online banking (already done). This list will either be 100% correct or only like half right. Only time, and androids, will tell

Friday, April 8, 2011

Top 10 Beach In The World Is An Hour Away From Me Out of the countless ocean-side paradises throughout the world one would think that the top 10 beaches would be in the Caribbean, the South Pacific, along the Mediterranean coast and…New Jersey? Yup. Trip Advisor has named Cape May Beach the second best in the nation and the ninth in the world. Beating out Costa Rica, Maldives on the Indian Ocean, Bora Bora, and Cyprus, just to name a few, this New Jersey shore town is lauded for it’s lack of “Jersey Shore” environment that includes Victorian mansions and a famous lighthouse. The only U.S. beach to beat out Cape May is Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

#9! Just squeaked by. Rounding out the top 10. People said they made a mistake putting Cape May in the big leagues. They said the same about VCU and guess who made it to the Final Four. Aruba, Jamaica, Cayman Islands, New Jersey.

Fuck all the people who like to clown on Jersey. They see North Jersey, Seaside Heights, guidos and clubs. They smell the run-off from New York factories mixed with Axe body spray and figure that's how the whole shore smells. They just don't go far enough to get away from the NY odor still lingering in the smoggy air.

New York is the reason New Yorkers don't like New Jersey. It is like looking behind the curtain at a play. North Jersey is where all the bad shit (besides hooker killers, hobos, rats, pigeons, crack heads and hipsters) goes.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

And I Thought Montgoris Was Bad

The Ram - Health department inspectors cited health violations at four of Fordham’s Sodexo dining facilities during a March 21 examination. The New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene discovered health code infractions at the Student Deli, Millennium Grille, Ramskeller and Marketplace. The inspections unearthed evidence of mice, roaches and improper storage of food, shortcomings that placed Fordham eateries in the lowest grade bracket. The Department of Health utilizes a grading system based on points earned by each infraction, where each violation amasses more points and lowers an establishment’s grade. Restaurants scoring between 0-13 are awarded an A, while a restaurant earning between 14-27 points is classified as a B. If an establishment receives marks exceeding 27, the restaurant is given a C. With final grades still pending, the Student Deli received a score of 53, the Millennium Grille a 47 and the Ramskeller a 30, with the Health Department classifying any score above 28 as unsatisfactory. The health inspector cited critical violations in the Student Deli, including “evidence of mice or live mice present in facility’s food and/or non-food areas.” According to Brian Poteat, general manager of Food Services, the inspector discovered mouse “excretra or droppings in his report.” The inspection also uncovered that the Deli was neither vermin-proof nor was food properly stored to protect against contamination. The inspector also discovered the presence of live roaches on the premises, which earned the Deli another critical violation. The Millennium Grille was also cited for evidence of mice, along with critical violations for not storing hot food items above 140 degrees Fahrenheit and cold food items below 41 degrees Fahrenheit, the minimum required temperatures for these items. “The city violations recognized that foods ([hot sausage] and sliced cheddar cheese and sliced tomatoes-cold) were not out of temperature for more than two hours,” Poteat stated. ”I went to the Grille and got a salad,” Michelle FlorCruz, FCRH ’12, said. “I found a full grasshopper the size of my thumb in the middle of it.” Katie Finnegan, FCRH ’13, recalls watching her friend Michael Cattermole, FCRH ’13, discover a plastic nail in a hamburger from the caf when opening the burger to add condiments. One Ram staffer uncovered a blue push pin in a chocolate chip muffin. In contrast to Fordham’s on-campus locations, the White Castle on Fordham Road received zero violation points in its 2010 inspection.

Wow. Glad St.John's gave me more funding than Fordham or I would of been eating fake fingernails, grasshoppers and push pins. 53? Really? There was a place around here that had mold, food kept at bad temperatures, dirty employees, probably food that fell on the floor being served and they got like a 30. Fordham must have a cock-a-mouse or something to get a 53.

If I got a muffin at St.John's and it had a sharp metal object in it I would make sure it cut my mouth and sue the shit out of them. Tell them I'm scared of muffins now and need therapy and surgery. This is how people make millions, fingers in chili, rats and screws in cans of energy drinks and soda.

The big story here is that there is a White Castle anywhere with no health violations. I have seen some shit in White Castles. I fully expect them to be the dirtiest places where food is kept.

3 Videos of Pepper Sprayed Little Shit (Unfortunately No Action Footage)

These videos are full of just gem quotes. Here's a bunch of them and what needs to be said to the little bastard and that horrible mom.
1. If you can throw chairs and a tv, you can get pepper sprayed.
2. The boy's privacy? How many kids live in Lakewood, named Aiden that go to the fucking school that was shown. You dip shits showed the school and said you're protecting his anonymity? Never go to 9News for witness protection
3. “I wanted to make something sharp if they came out because I was so mad at them,".What? Direct quote from the violent little prick. And they don't think this kid should be pepper sprayed? He made a fucking spear/sword and waved it around his teachers threatening to kill them.
4. "Common criminal"? Hey Mandy, your future degenerate of a son is going to be a common criminal pretty fucking soon. Fuck that. He is a common criminal. Ever heard of Assault, destruction of private property, vandalism, endangering the welfare of a child? Common criminal shit. Shit your knee-high terror is guilty of in that classroom.
5. The cops should of talked to her son? I would bet any amount of money they didn't just go in there and mace the monster. They probably said "Stop what you're doing. We will pepper spray you, and it will hurt a lot. Last chance, stop now or we will spray you." Then hissss, mace to the face, like a skunk who ate to many jalapenos.
6. "Anger things"? No shit. You mean having the cops called on you 3x before you hit double digit age isn't normal? Making weapons out of classroom shit and making teachers flee the room isn't normal?

Now, before you say I'm a horrible person, watch these other videos and you will want to mace the Spiderman loving nightmare too.

1. Couldn't wait 10 minutes? In 10 minutes there might of been someone going to the hospital from his makeshift wooden death stick.
2. So, he wasn't allowed to do something on the bus. You know the "stuff" was bad shit otherwise he would say what he wanted to do. No specifics, guilty man. I need to know what he wanted to do that was worth flipping shit over.
3. Oh where is the 8th amendment when you need it. "Put me in a corner with chairs". I thought Gitmo was being shut down. This is like modern day bamboo under the fingernails.
4. The interviewer gave him an out "Did you mean it when you said you wanted to kill them?" "Yea, kinda." You dumb ass, you always say "No, I was angry and of course I don't want to kill my teachers." This kid is a psychopath who can't even cover it up.
5. Way to take responsibility for raising your kid. Pretty much saying what he does at school is the school's problem. Great parenting.
6. Really, the medicine made him fat? Couldn't have anything to do with genetics could it?
7. Times it is okay to pepper spray an 8 year old: 1. If he threatens to kill teachers and has a weapon. 2. If he is not right in the head and is a danger to other kids and has a weapon. 3. If this is his third time having the cops called on him and he is swinging a weapon around. 4. If a mentally off kid, in a fit of rage starts tearing apart the classroom.

1. "I'm gonna kill you once you get out of that room." "I'm gonna kill you mother fuckers"-directed at cops
2. Another time its okay to pepper spray an 8 year old. When a kid tells cops "I'm gonna kill you mother fuckers."
3. "He's never hurt anyone in the past." Because they hid in another room until police disabled him.
4. Really Aiden? You don't know what road you're gonna go down. I think everyone who has heard any part of this story knows what path you're going down.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Instant Karma

ELKTON, Md. - Elkton police say a man became stuck to a department store toilet seat after someone spread glue on it. It happened Thursday evening at the Walmart in Elkton. Officials refused to say how long the man was stuck before he was able to get help. Police say emergency workers removed the seat from the toilet and took the man out with seat still attached to him. The seat was removed at the emergency room at Union Hospital. Police say the incident is a second-degree assault case that may have been a random prank the night before April Fool’s Day.

This dirty bastard desirved everything coming to him. How do you not put down a toilet seat cover? If I am ever so desperate that I must resort to a public bathroom to drop a deuce I treat it like I'm going in for surgery. I do the doo-doo paper check first off, than check the seat for piss so much as a drop and I'm off to the next stall. Once I find a clean seat I scrub it down with wads of tp. Than lay down one of those bib lookin' motherfuckers. Treat it like I'm in junior high and I still think you can catch stds from toilet seats. No way am I going to the ER with a toilet seat stuck to my ass. This happened last year at a Home Depot. too. This is why Shitbrick (American Pie) had the right idea, only at home.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

College Is Voluntary

VSUA mass media professor is facing battery charges in connection with an incident that occurred in his 10 a.m. law class Friday, March 25.  Assistant Professor, Dr. Frank J. Rybicki, was arrested Wednesday around 10:30 a.m., according to the Valdosta State University Police Department.  Dr. Rybicki is free on bail as of Wednesday afternoon, according to the Lowndes County Sheriff Department.  According to the original incident report, a 22-year-old female student went to the VSUPD to report an assault involving a faculty member in the mass media building.  The altercation occurred when Dr. Rybicki allegedly closed a laptop computer on the hands of a student, said Dorsena Drakeford, a student in the class and Spectator sports editor.  Dr. Rybicki closed the laptop because he thought the student was on non-class related websites. The student began to argue with Dr. Rybicki about closing the laptop and about the websites she visited while in class. Class was dismissed early because Dr. Rybicki seemed upset by the incident, Drakeford said.  When students returned to the same class on Monday, they were greeted, not by their teacher, but instead two VSUPD officers.

Barstool U- Bear in mind that I fucking hate frivolous lawsuits.  Can’t stand people that decide to just sue over the stupidest pettiest shit.   Now having said that if I had one wish for the day it would be that this case goes to the Supreme Court and this professor gets sued for $50K and goes to jail for the next 5-10 years.   Make an example of him for all the other college professors and teachers and administrators out there.    Hey you fucking elitist professor listen up.  That chick pays tuition.  She pays to go to this school.   She pays your salary.    She comes to your class to learn voluntarily because she wants to be there.  If she wants to look at Facebook or Twitter or read fucking Barstool in class she can fucking do that.  If she chooses that what you’re teaching at the moment isn’t that important to her and wants to read something on the internet she can fucking do that.  Just keep on teaching and mind your own fucking business.   Seriously nothing gets my blood boiling like the topic of these college authority figures on power trips playing God because they have 8 degrees in fields you’ve never heard of and have no application in the real world.    Get off your imaginary undeserved high horse, go write your research thesis for the academia journal with 47 subscribers, and go fuck yourself.

Me- How 100% correct is this post? I hate it when a teacher yells at you for using a laptop in class or doing shit that has nothing to do with the class. If I wanna fuck up on your exams than let me, dick. I don't work in class, obviously, I'm here instead. I think the teachers get pissed that I'm on Barstool NYC figuring out who to marry, fuck, and kill or watching videos of the horrible shit I can look forward to on the subway and still rock their tests. If people want to waste away 40k a year on fb or blogs instead of learning useless knowledge while you fill theology credits with no intention of dealing with God til I'm dead. Sorry I'm not listening to you ramble teaching me in riddles in philosophy. Sorry that the only thing to do with a philosophy degree is to become a philosophy teacher. Now let me get back to my game of words with friends and texting people about what I'm going to do when I get the fuck out of your torturous class where you aren't allowed to use a cell phone

Who Knew Christopher Walken Was A Complete Creeper

NJ.Com- A Lawrence man accused of accosting and attempting to lure a Rider University student into his car on March 28, and subsequently barred from The College of New Jersey’s campus Friday afternoon, was reportedly spotted near the TCNJ campus late Saturday night. The call prompted township and campus police to comb the area for the 68-year-old man, Tony A. Kadyhrob, though the search did not turn up any results. Kadyhrob is out on bail after he allegedly harassed a 19-year-old student as she walked through the Rider University parking lot around 2:30 p.m. on March 28. According to police, he began speaking to the woman and later “pulled on her arm while asking her to go to his vehicle.” He was charged with attempting to entice an adult into a vehicle. Police did not initially locate a suspect at the scene, but their investigation led to a warrant being issued for Kadyhrob’s arrest. Police officials at TCNJ said they received an anonymous call just after 3 p.m. Friday, reporting the man’s presence on their campus. He was confronted by officers and barred from returning to the school. “He was banned from campus,” said TCNJ police Captain Timothy Grant. “He was hand-delivered a letter to ban him.” Grant said should Kadyhrob step foot on the TCNJ campus again, he would be arrested. According to an inter-departmental bulletin from the Lawrence Township Police Department, Kadyhrob is attracted to “young girls,” a term he reportedly uses to describe women between the ages of 18 and 30.

Is it me or could this 100% be Christopher Walken under a pseudonym. He looks exactly like him. He's come a long way from... what was he ever epic in? Besides like Wedding Crashers, Catch Me If You Can and Saturday Night Live, I don't think I've seen him in anything else. How did he become famous? Don't get me wrong, I think he is funny as hell and weird as shit, like Charlie Sheen nuts, but what was his big break?

Who is weirder, Kadyhrob or Walken? I think I need to hear this guy talk. That would be the tie breaker. If he has the voice I picture him having (pretty much Walken with a super gay lisp like the gay hippie from Family Guy), than Kadyhrob is 10x worse.

How dark is that mustache? It is like the depths of rapist hell. Especially compared to his super gray eyebrows. It looks like they were burned off by parents of kids that he abused in a basement like Freddy Kruger.

How I Plan To Make My Millions (And Be Scared For Life)

King 5- A Federal Way man has filed a lawsuit against the maker of Monster Energy Drinks. He claims he found a dead mouse at the bottom of his can, and he has the lab work to prove it. "Anytime anyone talks about monster, I just get that sick feeling in my stomach," says Vitaliy Sulzhik. It happened March 20, 2010. Sulzhik remembers it like it was yesterday. He went into the Fred Meyer in Des Moines, and bought himself a Monster Energy Drink. When he finished drinking it, he didn't realize another monster would be at the bottom. "I put it down and I felt it was still heavy. So I backwashed it and all this debris went into my mouth," says the 19 year old. "Then I looked in the can and I saw the tip of the tail and I vomited everywhere." It was a dead mouse inside the can. His attorney sent the can to MDE Inc., a forensic and engineering laboratory in Seattle, which cut open the can. They conducted a series of forensic tests on behalf of his client, and Monster's insurance company. X-rays and autopsies showed the mouse didn't suffer any trauma, like from a mouse trap, nor was it killed using poison. In other words, there were no signs the mouse was killed and then forced through the opening. "You hear these wild stories out there. Sure, you're a little skeptical at first," says Reed Yurchak, Sulzhik's attorney. "But everything here has checked out." Yurchak says Hansen Beverage Company is aware of the findings, but still refuses to believe his client. When contacted by phone, the drink-maker declined to comment on the lawsuit. Sulzhik hasn't drunk anything from a can since.

I would rather find a finger in my can like its chili from Wendy's than a rat. I hope that tomorrow I find a pinky in a can of Arizona tomorrow. You hear about people suing for emotional duress, well sign me the fuck up. This has to be one of the easiest ways to make millions. Granted everything I drink out of from then on would have to be out of a clear container and put through a filter like tap water but it would be worth it. Shit, I would have Arizona make a drink after me. I would just be swimming in money like Scrooge McDuck.

A rat has to be the worst thing you can find in something you drank half of right? Like, how did he find it? You know the tail got in his mouth or something (I literally gagged writing that sentence). Maybe it is just the living in NY or what but the rat is still the dirtiest fucking animal ever. Pigs that roll around in mud and shit and eat garbage all day are more hygienic than these little furry mobile disease cocktails.

I Wish I Was Trained Like This Kid

Barstool Phily- Yeah, I’ve seen enough. I’m definitely gonna push my future kid hard as shit into sports. I know all the parenting people say not do force a child into sports or push them too hard, but motherfuckers don’t become Kobe or Tiger or Peyton without a psychopathic father waking them up at 4:30am to practice. My kid is hitting the gym when he’s 7 and won’t be allowed out until he looks like little Hercules. You want the cream or the clear, son? Fuck it, old school injections. Let’s do this. Like guaranteed this kid is a complete asshole like his father in 5 years, but who cares when he’s buying pops a beachhouse with his Titlest endorsement check?
The hardest part will be keeping him motivated. I’ll probably choose fear. Fear has never failed as a motivating factor. What happened to your puppy? Well, when you didn’t wake up for practice yesterday it made daddy really sad. So sad that he had to hurt that puppy real bad. I marked his grave in the backyard. Now you don’t wanna make daddy sad again, do you? Of course not, now grab your weight belt and daddy’s smokes.
Maybe when he gets older the motivation tactics will change. Son I know you like your little girlfriend. But you know what’s better than your girlfriend? Fifty girlfriends. All on your dick. Sometimes two and three at a time. Then when he starts getting all melancholy about his stupid high school sweetheart, it’s trips to the strip club and flash cards of every woman Tiger Woods has ever banged. Fifteen years later I’m relaxing in my mansion living vicariously like a motherfucker.

I so wish my dad did this to me. Like as a kid who wouldn't want to hear "Hey, if I could promise you ridiculous amounts of women, money , fame. And you would never need a real job, just exercise and play sports." I would 1. shit a brick, 2. do whatever I was told. Granted there would be times where I would want to quit but no one said parenting is easy. I wish that I was trained. You know how awesome college is for the people who were trained by their parents since they could walk? How's Jimmer, fucking Kemba Walker, Tim Tebow, Cam fucking Newton? Where would Cam Newton be without his father promising him pretty much everything he got? He wouldn't of been shopped around and not of been a BCS Champion, won't go during the 1st round. He would be a back up quarterback at some Bowl-less college banging 7's and 8's instead of the 10's he's nailing daily.

And those who say "that's abuse", look how happy that kid is. Just turn work into a game. Try and hit the dude making minimum wage looks like fun