Monday, August 29, 2011

People Faking Phone Convos More and More

Reasons to fake talk on the phone:
1. You see some hippies with clip boards stopping people ahead of you about trying to save the rainforests or an endangered species.
2. When you are on the bus getting ready for an hour and a half long trip and don't want to acknowledge someone trying to get you to move over to the inside seat.
3. When you are lost and keep walking back and forth and don't want the people you walk past 5x to think your a lost idiot.
4. When you are waiting for someone or just eating alone and don't wanna look like lame.

Reasons to talk on the phone:
1. The person you're texting doesn't answer you fast enough.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Guys Don't Like Talking About Their Problems

(ScienceDaily) – “For years, popular psychologists have insisted that boys and men would like to talk about their problems but are held back by fears of embarrassment or appearing weak,” said Amanda J. Rose, associate professor of psychological sciences in the MU College of Arts and Science. “However, when we asked young people how talking about their problems would make them feel, boys didn’t express angst or distress about discussing problems any more than girls. Instead, boys’ responses suggest that they just don’t see talking about problems to be a particularly useful activity.” Rose and her colleagues conducted four different studies that included surveys and observations of nearly 2,000 children and adolescents. The researchers found that girls had positive expectations for how talking about problems would make them feel, such as expecting to feel cared for, understood and less alone. On the other hand, boys did not endorse some negative expectations more than girls, such as expecting to feel embarrassed, worried about being teased, or bad about not taking care of the problems themselves. Instead, boys reported that talking about problems would make them feel “weird” and like they were “wasting time.”

And mark another one for pointless studies that waste shit tons of money, time and resources. Ask any guy "Why don't you like talking about your feelings and problems?" and you can expect one of two answers. 1. "It's a waste of time. Talking rarely comes to fruition." or 2. "'Cause I'm too busy doing something about it. God, you sound like my psychiatrist."

Just do an observational study of guys. How many times do fights end because of talking things through? Rarely? And if they do it takes a shit ton of time and effort. You're just better off doing whatever it is you wanna do and prove 'em wrong by being awesome. At least that is what I've always done.

And what does it say women get out of talking? Feeling less alone, understanding and feeling cared for. All they want is to be important. Go figure. The only reason they do pretty much anything.

What this whole thing proves is that girls care 100x more about everything then men do. Guys are even keel for the most part, women are bat-shit crazy.

Disclaimer: I must mention that my girlfriend is the only exception to the above. This must be made addendum so I don't have to deal with the repercussions of saying they're all needy.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Writing Samples That Didn't Get Me Work 2

This sample was rather large. It had to be 500 words minimum. I had to pick three "expertise" fields and I picked football, humor and video games. I had then had to write 500 words about one of the three using key words and answering a question. The question I had answered was "How will the lockout effect my draft?"
While this is not funny, I will still post it because I have nothing better to post today.

Since the lockout, there have been a whole off season of trades over the last month. While this is exciting and makes for great SportCenters and NFL Tonights, this is not good for pretty much every other aspect of football. The teams suffer, the players suffer, and most importantly, your fantasy team suffers.

Answer to "How will the NFL lockout effect my fantasy football draft?" after the break.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Ima Jew is the New Hot Single of the Summer

1. How has he not made a collabo with Zach. That could be the next Watch The Throne.
2. I kind of like this version better than Rick Ross's.
3. Whats the guy from Weeds doing in the video?
4. No joke, I thought the yellow thing above his shoulder 10 seconds was either Mr. Burns or a Shy Guy from Super Mario Bros. 
5. I bet the black guy with the bucket hat (1:24) just heard the Rick Ross music and tried to get in on the video.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Foul Ball Catches Are More Interesting Than The Actual Baseball Games

Is it just me or does it seem like there are more videos and stories about the fans at baseball games than the actual games.You got people dying, people catching balls in beer cups, kids putting offering prizes for hitting siblings. And now you have guys catching balls with babies in their hands. No one really gives a shit about the games anymore, now its all about being the guy who can catch a ball a weird way. Its like The Price is Right now, no one gives a shit about watching Drew Carey's boring ass ruin a show I watched every time I was home sick from school. They just wanna come on down to Contestant's Row.

Is it just me or does it seem like we'll have another Steve Bartman incident in the playoffs? That seems to be the only way to conclude a season of so many weird ass fan catches.

Friday, August 12, 2011

The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance is A Real Thing

( A group calling itself the National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance (NAAFA) says that when First Lady Michelle Obama created her anti-obesity “Let’s Move!” initiative, she unfairly singled out fat kids, turning them into targets. Speaking at the National Press Club in Washington, D.C., Monday, NAAFA public relations director Peggy Howell said the First Lady “essentially gave permission to everyone to condemn the children with higher body weights.” Howell called Obama’s Let’s Move! campaign “well-intentioned, but somewhat misdirected.” “What I mean by ‘misdirected’ is that rather than educating and encouraging our nation to create healthy practices for all children, focusing on the health of all our children, children of higher body weight have been singled out and the focus of the campaign is on weight reduction and not on improving children’s health.  “Studies indicate that children of higher body weight are 65 percent more likely to be bullied than children of lower body weight. When our First Lady said that we have to wipeout childhood obesity in one generation, she essentially gave permission to everyone to condemn the children with higher body weights. How this translates in real life is that these children experience more ridicule, more teasing, more bullying, and the perpetrators feel justified in their actions because after all, the First Lady said these kids have to go.” Howell said being targets — whether intended or not — causes heavy children “pain and suffering” – even depression and suicide.

The NAAFA is literally the worst group of people I have ever heard of. They are fat and want other people to be fat so they don't feel bad about themselves. Like, these people are the same to me who try and stop kids from getting vaccines, or the people who try and stop abortions. Obesity, disease and not being wanted can all lead to a shitty unhealthy lives.

Being targeted can lead to "pain and suffering" but it can also lead to losing weight and becoming healthy. Hell, the First Lady should just hire bullies, they would be just as effective. Just torment all the fat kids til they lose weight. Mission Accomplished.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Abstenance or No Text Books. The College Student's Easy Sophie's Choice

MSNBC- Many college students would go to great lengths to avoid carrying textbooks, with some even willing to give up sex and dating for a year, according to a new survey. Education software company Kno found that students would make surprising sacrifices to get out of lugging around heavy textbooks. In fact, 34 percent would prefer to stay in every Saturday night for a semester and half of the respondents said they would eat boxed macaroni and cheese for a month rather than carry textbooks every day of school for a semester. Even more surprising, one in four college students said they would give up sex for an entire year to not carry around textbooks. About 20 percent said they would give up dating for the same period as well. Also making the list is taking 8 a.m. classes every day (34 percent) and having parents visit every other weekend for a year (28 percent).

So apparently 25% of all college students are nerds. Have you ever seen a chemistry book? I saw some Asian dude walking around with one last semester. He needed a whole different backpack for that shit. You know the Pharmacy genius spends all his time studying anyway, no time to get laid. And if he did, the size of that one book fucks up his back so much he probably can't put any force into the thrusts anyway. Not to mention the rest of the ridiculous class load those pill pushers are taking.

No doubt they're mixed in with the "morning people" to make the third that would rather take 8am classes 5x a week. Sorry bro, I got shit to do at night, like have friends and pound natty lights til I black out. Then sleep in til I'm late for my first class which starts after you're done for the day.

The only thing I completely understand and would agree to is having my parents visit every other weekend. 2 weeks is perfect. Long enough for them to give me money and do my laundry. And I still have a weekend to rage out. And why can't I chill with my parents with a hangover smelling like sex? They know I am in college. Just so long as I don't start doing heavy drugs or snorting bath salts I can do no wrong.

Shark Week is Over Rated

So, every year I tell myself "this year I will watch some shark week." but I never do. And do you want to know why? Because it is boring as hell. Time for all the band-wagoners to arm your rotten tomatoes and heads of lettuce. For some reason that I can't comprehend why everyone cums their pants when it is time for Shark Week. I seem to be the only one who doesn't feel like I'm watching porn without all the self-loathing. Granted sharks are cool. They are scary and dangerous and shit. But not very interesting. There are literally 100 things that happen during shark week that I would rather watch. Shit, I'll turn to the boring ass "Debt Crisis" coverage before I try and watch some shark week again.

They can't even show the actual attacks like other wildlife shows either. Granted you show me someone getting a foot bitten off while surfing like that chick in Hawaii or a guy in chain mail getting tossed around like a rag doll I will 100% tune in. But since it is only ever footage of them swimming around looking menacingly it gets boring after the first commercial break. It starts to just look like a screensaver after 5 minutes. Maybe just to celebrate this over hyped week I'll just watch some good shark footage and watch Jaws instead. At least they show the good parts.